What we did on our summer vacation…

We flew to Florida with our 5 kids, effectively filling more than one full row of the aircraft and drawing comments from ticket agents, ground crew and flight attendants re: the size of our family.

In light of the fact that JetBlue doesn’t serve meals, Mom the Thrifty packed a healthy dinner for our family to eat on the plane. I was very proud of my fruit, cheese, crackers, and yogurt plates that I was planning to offer my darlings while winging our way south…who knew that yogurt was considered a liquid and therefore banned by the FAA? Say goodbye to the Activia, kids…it ended up in the trash at security. Oh, yeah, guess what? Hummus is also a liquid according to the FAA so the treat I packed for Mom and Dad went in the trash also. Live and learn.

We now know that ushering 5 kids through an airport is like herding cats. We also learned that ushering 5 tired, hungry and excited kids through a strange airport, baggage claim, and a wait at the car rental counter too close to the children’s bedtime is like transporting volatile substances on your person. In order to avoid spontaneous combustion, we made an emergency pit stop at Checkers for burgers, fries and milk shakes, then completed our day’s travels with another 30 minutes in the car to a repeated chorus of “Are we there yet?”.

We experienced the joys of attempting to explain to our new sons that our rental van wasn’t ours to keep…nor was the beach house we rented on the Gulf of Mexico.

We remembered that Florida is really, really hot in August…as in almost Africa hot. On the positive side, the Gulf water was a perfect 90 degrees, just the way I like it!

We introduced our new sons to our Florida family, just about frying their poor brains with the effort of figuring out who was related to whom. After a few days of family visits, dinners, an overnight to Orlando to meet some more cousins, and a family reunion picnic in the park with almost all of Craig’s relatives, the boys were a bit overwhelmed. Luckily, when overload set in, we could take the kids back to the beach and let them swim and play to relieve their tension headaches..

Aniyar discovered lizards and the fun that can be had chasing them. All 3 boys spent a lot of time in this pursuit, even caught a few…then Mom had to explain why we couldn’t bring the lizards home as pets.

The kids also loved discovering coquinas, the tiny colored shellfish that burrow in the sand at the water’s edge…and Mom had to explain why we couldn’t bring the coquinas home as pets.

We showed the kids the areas marked off on the beach where sea turtle nests were located…sigh…no, Aniyar, we can’t bring a baby turtle home as a pet.

We enjoyed the beautiful sea oats that have been planted on the beach to help with erosion…they’re protected and picking them can result in a very stiff fine…no, Aniyar, really, Mama doesn’t want you to pick them….nooooo!!

Kate enjoyed convincing her brothers to bury her in the sand so she looked like a mermaid complete with tail…and Aniyar and Max were more than happy to dump wet sand on their big sister.

Madiyar liked learning to body surf on a rare day when there were waves due to a tropical storm…and during the summer thunderstorms, the kids all liked doing arts and crafts and playing with games that our relatives provided. Tanya, Kate and I painted each other’s nails and pasted on tiny gems. The boys loved drawing and painting and Max especially liked the Lego set he got from Grandma’s store. The beach toys that cousin Matt provided were also a huge hit…but all the kids liked swimming with Matt just about better than anything.

Grandma Schoelles gets the award for the best way to keep 5 kids busy while grown-ups chat…she gave each of them a $5 gift certificate to The Coffee Mill, her store which obviously sells coffee but also stocks yummy candy and small toys. (Here's a pic of Craig's mom and sibs at the Mill.) On our last day in Florida, our brood spent a long time quietly perusing Grandma’s shelves and making their selections. Some chose candy, some gum, some trinkets…and they all had cookies and frozen treats from the coffee bar. Kate helped Grandma price some new stock and Tanya did some sweeping up of spilled coffee beans, too…I think the girls are angling for a summer job in the future!

We flew back to Massachusetts after a week of sun and fun and were reminded once more that one of the best things about going away is the coming home again…we ended our vacation with Chinese takeout and snuggles with our dogs.

(BTW, for those of you who are wondering how we’re doing, rest easy. Life is almost normal again here in Witch City. We’re gearing up for a new school year and looking forward to fall. Our kids are adjusting well now and family life is much less dramatic these days. Aniyar is still a challenge but his medications have made a huge difference in his ability to function positively and control his impulses. We are proof positive of better living through chemistry!)

Is it August already?

We just returned from two nights in the White Mountains and couldn't be much more pleased. We had a great weekend of the old-fashioned variety, more like the kind of fun Craig and I had as kids than what our kids do today. We arrived at our condo in NH on Friday afternoon, had a quick dinner and headed to the pool for an evening swim. Saturday morning, we took a deep breath and turned the kids loose to swim in the lake...it's so wonderful that we've come so far in our bonding and trust level that we know they will watch out for each other! We checked in with them frequently and were pleased to see them having fun but being safe and looking out for each other. It's also simply amazing that Aniyar has come so far that we can let him join the other kids; after a month of his therapeutic camp and swim lessons, he is a much stronger swimmer...and his new meds make him less impulsive...and all of his siblings now keep a watchful eye on him. The kids spent most of the day swimming (Tanya and Madiyar) and chasing small catfish (Aniyar and Max); Kate and Mom ventured into the Pemi River and spent some time building a dam and a footbridge out of smooth river rocks; Dad watched some TV and snoozed, something that almost never happens. Our evening was spent munching popcorn and watching movies and the History Channel after dinner. Sunday morning came early and included Dad making pancakes, corned beef hash, and eggs for kids who frankly wanted to be at the lake instead of eating...but the weather was not kind and everyone ended up back in our condo watching Scooby-Do movies (Aniyar's favorite) until lunchtime. Then we headed home, arriving around 4:30 and greeting our dogs with wild abandon on both sides. As Tanya said, it's nice to go away but even better to come home again. We concluded our weekend with our Sunday family movie night, takeout Chinese food, and ice cream...life is really good and we're so grateful. It feels like we've turned a corner...

Six month update...and the future looks brighter

OK, it's been a while since I posted and I'm sure our family and friends are wondering what calamity has befallen us. I'm happy to report that quite the contrary is true! We've been busy traveling to New Hampshire for the 4th of July, settling everyone into summer camps and classes, and planning for our trip to Florida next month. Yes, it's true...Aniyar has been doing so well at home and in his summer activities that we feel ready to make the trip we've dreamed of to visit our friends and family down south. We couldn't be more pleased! Here's a recap of recent events:

We spent 3 nights in NH over Independence Day, a travel trial run to see how Aniyar could do in a different setting. In short, we had a blast all weekend. The kids went fishing (caught nothing but had fun), swam, and played from dawn to dusk. Aniyar and Madiyar won 2nd place in a sand castle building contest...in 30 minutes, these artistic boys made an incredible castle that had a moat and gardens made from peat moss. They would have won 1st if not for the huge castle that another family started on the day before...but they were very pleased with their prize of beach toys and splash bombs. The kids all loved swimming endlessly, playing tennis and basketball, and eating non-stop. We loved seeing our kids enjoying themselves and finding common ground with each other. Some of my favorite memories include watching Aniyar and Max wading in the shallows at the edge of the lake in search of minnows and crayfish, watching Madiyar demonstrate his famous back flips and tumbling runs and then listening to his stories of how he and his friends taught themselves these skills in the orphanage. Best of all was watching our 5 kids chase each other through an open field in a game of tag as we waited for the local fireworks display, then huddle together under blankets to watch the show. We packed a lot into a short time; we enjoyed a cookout with our friends, and even managed a picnic by the river.


We also celebrated Max's 12th birthday in NH; we threw together an informal party in the recreation center. Max was thrilled to be allowed to choose an action movie from the rec center's DVD collection and view it on their large screen TV. We had a private room for the affair and Mom played caterer, serving barbecued chicken, watermelon, chips, and birthday cake. Max even had one of his best buddies at the party, not to mention all of his brothers and sisters. Even though his actual birthday was still a few days away, we gave him one of his gifts...a new set of swim fins, snorkel, and mask to use in the lake and pool.

OK, this post is long overdue and I know some of you are worried about us...don't fret, just know that we're fine and (who knew how busy we could be with 5 kids, therapy appts, summer school, sports camps, etc.) looking forwrd to a vacation in Fla starting Aug 14-22. Tonight we went to a minor league baseball game with all the kids, it was tons of fun even if we did get home later than our normal bedtime. More details later...did I mention that we're returning to NH this weekend for 2 nights? We really love the slower pace and the fun our kids have there. Adam and Sandi, we'll see you soon... We've rented a house on the beach for a week, we can't wait to see you guys, also Matt, Noah and Tina. A lot of Craig's family is coming to visit too...we're really blessed to have so many people who care for us!

More later--Dee

Rainy summer days

Well, here it is the end of June and it feels more like November...we've had two weeks of rain, drizzle, grey skies, and high humidity...gotta love New England weather. Of course, we refuse to let the crummy weather stop us so we slog along to our various events and activities which range from doctor visits to summer camps to the last few days of the school year for two of the kids. Poor Kate and Madiyar don't finish school until July 2 but at least this week, they're having fun activities like field day and beach day...if it doesn't rain.

Aniyar has been home almost 2 weeks now and we're all doing better than we had actually expected. He is responding well to the medications he's on and he's much less impulsive. I like the new psychiatrist who is monitoring his meds and supporting us as a family. Aniyar has also returned to therapy with our Russian child psychologist and she says he's responding well in her sessions with him. Aniyar is starting to test the boundaries a bit at home but no more than our other kids and he responds well to redirection now. He still has more energy than any kid I've ever met so he started a specialized therapeutic YMCA camp today which should give him a physical outlet. He'll be swimming twice a day, playing in the woods, doing outdoor adventure activities, and playing sports until 4:30 each day...and he's been assigned his own counselor to keep an eye on his behavior and redirect him as needed. Next week, he'll start summer school in the mornings, then go to the YMCA camp in the afternoons...our goal is to provide him the structure and support he needs while also letting him make friends and have fun in a safe setting.

Madiyar has been a bit conflicted about his brother's return. He was delighted to have him home but also a bit jealous of the attention Aniyar got at first. I think Madiyar was also worried about how Aniyar would behave with the other kids...and for the first few days, Madiyar took it upon himself to act as Aniyar's cultural guide in regard to our family dynamic, often whispering in Aniyar's ear to remind him to be polite to his sisters or to be kind to Max. It has been touching to see Madiyar trying to pull all of his siblings together. I can see him attempting to weave the threads of his relationship with Aniyar and then his relationships with all of us together into a new fabric...our family tapestry. Of course, don't get me wrong...Madiyar is also a 13 year old boy who can be as difficult as they come. Kate has nicknamed him "The Pouty Prince" because he tends to sulk when he doesn't get his way...

Of course, keep in mind that Kate is known as "The Drama Queen" and she comes by it honestly, especially now that she's a teen who will begin High School in the Fall. She now has an opinion on almost everything including the state of the economy, the environment, and world peace. She likes to stay up late and sleep until 10am on the weekends. She often finds her siblings immature and seeks "privacy", and her "own space" where she can read, dance, and write dark, angst-filled poetry. I can hear my mother laughing from the pearly gates...Kate is just like I was at this age, all dramatics and poetry, with her grandmother's love of dance and the Night Owl gene thrown in to boot.

Tanya completed 5th grade and is now officially a middle schooler. She's going to a YMCA summer camp each day, riding a boat to Children's Island in the middle of Salem Harbor where she spends the day swimming, sailing, kayaking, and playing games. She had her first overnight camping trip on the island last week and she loved it. It was family night so I took Kate, Madiyar and Aniyar out to the island for a picnic dinner; Tanya loved showing everyone around and taking the boys swimming in the saltwater pool...but I think she liked waving goodbye to us as we returned to the mainland and being allowed to stay overnight even better!

Max is in a summer playground camp; he spends each day at a nearby park where he plays tennis, kickball, dodgeball, baseball, and goes swimming under the watchful eye of his city recreation program counselors. He comes home every afternoon dirty, wet and tired...fine with me, it beats videogames and TV any day. Max also had a great thrill yesterday...his flag football team made it to the division tournament and he was able to play in the championship rounds. His team won 2 games and made it to the finals but were eliminated in the 3rd game....since it was drizzling the whole time, I don't think Max was too disappointed that he didn't have to continue to play in the rain...and Dad was proud of Max and glad to cheer him on but soaked to the skin and chilled to the bone by the time they got home.

We're all headed to New Hampshire for the July 4th weekend. We'll only be able to stay 3 nights but we'll make the most of it by leaving early on Friday since all the kids will be out of school, then returning on Monday...there's a cookout planned for Saturday and Aniyar wants to go fishing. The kids all want to take the inflatable boat out on the lake...now that we have 5 kids, Craig and I decided one rubber boat that seats 2 kids wasn't enough so we popped for a second one at Big Lots. ($20.00, we're such big spenders!) We can now seat 4 kids in boats and let the 5th wheel use a raft or inner tube. (This plan has already resulted in squabbling about who gets the first turn in the boats...there's nothing like sibling rivalry and bickering to make a Mom crazy...can't wait for the 3 hour drive in the van with all five kids!) There are also plans to celebrate Max's birthday in NH with a movie and ribs from his favorite BBQ place. We have friends who will also be there to help us keep an eye on the kids so it should be fun for all of us.

Now if it will just stop raining...

Home again...

After two months in a pediatric psych unit, Aniyar was released from the hospital yesterday and has spent his first night at home! It was a pleasure to see the smile Aniyar wore most of the afternoon and evening...and to see him interacting so positively with the rest of the family. He was a relaxed and happy kid last night, singing and dancing and being sweet and silly. He was able to accept limits and went to bed without complaint; he also was up and dressed for school this morning with no problems so we're off to a good start. We've missed Aniyar and we're grateful to have this chance to bring him home again...but we'll also be monitoring closely for signs of stress and any indication of the unsafe behaviors that led to Aniyar's hospitalization in the first place.

During Aniyar's visits home on day passes, we have been delighted to see a great improvement in his ability to control his impulsivity and behavior. We are optimistic about his return to family life but we're making sure we all have as much support as possible for Aniyar's special needs and for the safety of the rest of the family. I've spent the past week preparing for Aniyar's release, attending meetings with his case manager and educational team, consulting with his psychologist, finding a psychiatrist who can monitor his meds, and arranging for a therapeutic day camp and an extended year school program to support him during the summer months. The wonderful social workers from Adoption Journeys (a great resource for families dealing with post-adoptive issues like ours) have visited our kids here at home to help them prepare for Aniyar's return; they'll continue to do regular home visits which will give all the kids a chance to talk about their feelings. Then there are the therapy appointments and summer camps which will provide structure, support, and just plain fun for our other kids...and my new full-time job is born. I'm a mental health case manager/social director/bus driver...in addition to my other Mom duties. The other day, one of the kids asked me if I didn't just love summer because I didn't have as much work to do....HAH!!!!

Thanks again to all of you who are keeping us in your thoughts and prayers...we're grateful!

Finally Spring...and Summer

May and June are two of my favorite months because the time is chock full of special events. Between Mother's Day and Father's Day, we celebrate 2 birthdays, a wedding anniversary, and the end of the school year with all of the attendant ceremonies and activities.

In New England, May also usually means that the weather will actually be warm more often than not and the chance of snow is finally behind us. The old willow tree in our back yard is green again, the grass is growing in spite of our 3 greyhounds, and our vegetable garden is taking shape. Craig is cooking a lot of burgers and steak tips on the grill and we're all enjoying being outside more. On a couple of nice evenings, Craig and I have even been able to relax on our deck while the kids play basketball, street hockey, soccer, or catch until it's too dark to see the ball. Other times, we rush to feed everyone, then race off in different directions to get Tanya to a softball game, Max to flag football, or Kate to piano. We laugh a lot more these days and the atmosphere in our home is much more relaxed. It feels almost normal around here...but the reality is that we're still missing one of our 5 kids so nothing is really normal at all.

Aniyar has been in the hospital for 6 weeks now. He's still in a pediatric psychiatry unit in the Franciscan Children's Hospital in Boston where he's being evaluated and treated with therapy and medication for his impulsivity and his angry outbursts. We visit him frequently and have taken him out on passes both on and off the hospital grounds several times now. We were able to take him out to lunch with us on Mother's Day and he has been home to visit on the last 2 Saturdays. We do see some improvement in his ability to regulate his behavior and we're encouraged. We are hopeful that he might be able to rejoin us at home at some point as long as we can all be safe.

Time and the support systems we've accessed for the whole family have helped the rest of us to recover and regroup; we have help from social workers who visit us from a great group called Adoption Journeys. They support all of the kids as well as Mom and Dad. We also have on-going therapy for Madiyar who struggles greatly with his brother's absence...and for Max who is most anxious about Aniyar's return. The girls continue to do well with this roller coaster ride and Craig and I just keep hanging on with support from family, friends, and trusted advocates from our adoption community (Thanks, Ann and Leah!)

Life is even busier than ever now that my role as Mom also includes attending multiple IEP meetings for Madiyar, driving to Boston every few days for visits and family meetings for Aniyar, and continuing to support the other 3 kids as well. I feel like I spend most days in my minivan...or doing laundry...now if I could just put a washer and dryer in the minivan, I'd be all set.

Craig has taken on the primary role of sports enthusiast, adjusting his work schedule to take Tanya to her softball games and practices...the rest of us have watched parts of her games and one night we even cheered her on while we ate a family picnic supper...but Dad is the faithful fan who has been to every game. Little League softball has been Tanya's own form of therapy this spring; she's loving the physical activity and being a part of a team. She's making new friends and enjoying learning something that comes easy to her. Tanya is a good athlete; she's gained enough confidence that she asked the coach if she could pitch in the game they played on her 12th. birthday...and she got her wish. Our girl wasn't the best pitcher of the day...but it makes my eyes fill with tears to see her on the mound and know how far she has come in the 6 years she's been with us.

Max is doing well at school but struggling a bit at home...tonight he gave me a note telling me that he wanted to talk to me but he didn't want to interrupt since he knew I'd rather spend time with my new favorite son, Madiyar. Actually, I viewed this as huge progress for Max who has been really mad lately but not willing to talk about what's bothering him...his fear of being replaced. We were able to talk and I was able to remind my boy that he was my first son, my special boy and absolutely impossible to replace. (After all, how many other mothers have a son who is obsessed with squirrels and dreams of assembling a squirrel army to take over Canada?) We've turned a corner tonight as we've faced Max's worst fears about being sent away...no way, Squirrel! You're stuck with us and we'll always love you.

Kate continues to sail along through the year with her eyes on the prize...and this time, it's a gift card to a bookstore. She submitted a poem to a writing competition at her school and was selected as a finalist; she and the other finalists will read their works at a local bookstore tonight as a part of the competition. If she wins, I'm quite sure Kate will have the gift card spent before she lets us take her home...the child loves to read...so you won't be surprised to learn that her poem is entitled, "The Library", and is about one of her favorite places.

As for our Madiyar...this boy still delights and confounds us...and I must admit that he has a way of melting his new mom's heart. He can be rude and inappropriate and pretty darn annoying at times...but he can also be mature beyond his years and caring beyond measure. This is the boy who was recently suspended from school for kicking a teacher...arghh!!!...and the same boy who carefully picked out 12 items in the Dollar Store for Tanya's birthday, all painstakingly chosen to her interests and bought with his own money...awww! As for being suspended, I didn't want him thinking he was getting out of school that easily...so we brought his teacher and computer to the house every day and he did all of his work here at home. By the end of the suspension, he said he would never have a problem at school again; staying at home was just too boring! (Score one for Mom.) At home, our Madiyar is a gem, funny and kind and warm...and his English increases exponentially with each passing day, informed by friends and family, TV and Radio Disney. Yes, he sings along to all the songs in English...with a strong Russian accent and lots of enthusiasm.

Craig and I celebrated our 16th anniversary on May 29 with a quiet dinner at home (as quiet as it can get with all of our kids around). We fed the kids early and sent them off to watch movies and play videogames, then had our friends, Rick and Deb, over for a late evening grown-up dinner of salad and steaks on the grill. We shared a champagne toast and reminisced a bit, then called it a night. There was no expensive jewelry with lots of bling as a gift, no Ferrari with a bow on it in the driveway, no tickets for a 2nd honeymoon in Paris. Kate says we're boring and not very sentimental. (Our defense is that we shot the wad on 3 trips to Kazakhstan last year and our 2nd honeymoon was spent traveling the road between Ust-Kamenogorsk and Ridder.) At this point, the best gift of all for Mom and Dad is a peaceful evening at home and a good night's sleep...jeez, we really are boring...but never bored with our brood!

Our great kids

I've decided that we have an overabundance of negative energy and worry surrounding us at the moment and that's causing us to lose sight of the many positives we're experiencing. It's time to count our blessings..so here's what's new and wonderful.

Tanya got a 95 on her book report, a stellar accomplishment! She is also turning into a darn good softball player and loves her first season of Little League.

Max is playing flag football and loves it...and he also is really enjoying playing outside with Madiyar in the evenings. Our couch potato is starting to enjoy golf, soccer, and the kind of mischief only a pair of boys can get into...think bodily humor.

Kate has attended her first semi-formal dance...she was beautiful in purple and had a blast with her girlfriends. She's also received an award at school. She took the national mythology exam along with 20 other students from her school....and was one of only 2 kids who was awarded a silver medal for scoring between 92-99%. She's wearing the medal proudly...and telling us all one myth after another.

Madiyar is speaking an incredible amount of English now...truly amazing how much his language has changed in the past few weeks. He's also relaxed, funny, and fun to be with...and he's getting along so well with the other kids, figuring out how to interact with each of them on their own terms. He still has his moments of testing...but they're fewer and farther between each day. He misses Aniyar and wishes he would come home soon...but he's still trying his best to trust us to be the parents.

Aniyar has been transferred to a new hospital, Franciscan for Children in Boston, and so far, we're impressed with the services there. Our insurance company stunned us all by authorizing this additional hospital stay for Aniyar even after the first hospital said they felt he was ready to come home...when his insurance coverage ran out. We spoke with an amazingly supportive insurance representative who went to bat for us to place Aniyar in a step down program, a less restrictive environment where we could see if his impulsive and aggressive behaviors were in fact more under his control. In the first hour as I was admitting him, Aniyar tried to run away from the unit twice and it became clear to everyone that he wasn't safe to come home yet. He's being assessed and his medication is being adjusted; so far, there hasn't been much change in his impulsive behavior and he's still aggressive at times. We at least feel that this hospital is trying to respond to his needs and they are connecting us with support services for the whole family. We are starting to bring Aniyar out of the unit on passes so he can visit with us all...this weekend, we'll try taking him off the hospital grounds to see how he does.

We're hanging in there and trying to keep life as normal as we can. As I write this, Tanya, Max, and Madiyar are playing baseball in an empty parking lot behind the house; Kate is reading, the dogs are snoozing and Craig is catching up on the news. Soon it will be time for baths and bed...and there will be stalling, laughing, hugs, and bedtime rituals to be observed. We'll tuck everyone in for the night and then get some rest ourselves. Tomorrow is another day...it's spring here in New England, my flower garden is coming to life and hope is in the air...to all of you who are keeping us in your thoughts and prayers, know that we appreciate it. You're renewing our spirits...