Vacation Adventures

It's been a whirlwind of activity for us since the kids finished school. We celebrated July 4th with the requisite cookout followed by fireworks. We walked to our usual viewing spot at a local park which overlooks Salem Harbor. The kids ran up and down the beach and climbed on the rocks as dusk became dark; once the show began, they all settled down on a blanket with Mom and Dad to ooh and ahh over the display. As we returned home, the boys tried to scare each other with stories of zombies and monsters that lurk in the night while the girls ignored them, calling them "immature". All in all, it was a pretty normal family outing.

A few days later, we headed to New Hampshire for a week of vacation. We've owned a place in Lincoln, a great little town in the White Mountains, for several years now and we all love going there every few months. There's a lake for the kids to swim and fish in, not to mention a river and woods and hiking trails to explore.

There's also a rec center with a pool, an exercise room, racquetball courts, tennis courts, basketball, volleyball....well, you get the point.

Add in the fact that bedtimes are later, more snacks and junk food are consumed than normal, and bathing suits are worn from dawn to dusk, and it's the stuff that childhood dreams are made of under any circumstances. This time, it was made even better for a few reasons.



This summer, we invited Madiyar's friend from Kazakhstan to join us for our NH vacation. Borya (now known as James) was adopted by a family in PA at the same time we adopted Madiyar and Aniyar. Borya's mom Anne is a good friend and blogger buddy of mine so we have been able to keep the boys in touch and get them together a few times already. The summer plan we put together will end up giving the two friends almost 3 weeks together. Borya flew into Boston for his 9 day visit with us, then Borya and Madiyar flew to PA yesterday for 9 days with Borya's family. At the end of the visit, Madiyar will fly home again...no doubt immediately begging for another visit with his friend the second he steps off the plane.

We also celebrated Max's 13th birthday in NH, spreading it out over a couple of days since we were driving on his actual b-day. He didn't seem to mind getting his gifts on Friday, Saturday, and even the last present on Sunday. He tried out his new fishing rod and swim mask; he was especially delighted with the collection of James Bond movies that Dad got for him. Mom managed to rustle up his favorite food for his b-day dinner...barbecued baby back ribs...which we ate outside near the lake. Life was exceedingly good for Max since he could be as messy as he wanted, then jump in the lake to wash off. We even had a cake shaped like a cheeseburger for our newest teen.

Overall, the week was a blast even with an extra teenager to feed (and boy, can they eat!) Madiyar and James enjoyed walks into town to the Dollar Store where Madiyar used entirely too much of his spending money on candy and gum, then worried that he wouldn't have any money to spend in PA. (A lesson in budgeting, my son!) In general, the kids were all really good, probably due to the fact that they were in the lake for hours each day and when they weren't swimming or chasing minnows with a net, they were doing other fairly cool things.

One day, we went to Lost River Gorge where the kids explored caves and Max spent some of his b-day money (Thanks, Aunt Karen and Uncle Mike!) panning for gemstones at the Lost River mine. Another time, we went to Loon Mountain where we had all kinds of fun. We ziplined (yes, even Mom...in spite of my fear of heights, it was awesome! As I told the girls who put me in the safety harness, zipping across the Pemigewasset River on a thin cable is not nearly as dangerous as parenting 5 kids.) The kids also spent a few hours climbing the rock wall and jumping on the bungee trampoline (they loved doing back flips high in the air). We rode the gondola to the top of the mountain. The boys thought the gondola ride was too slow (they were hoping for a death-defying thrill ride) and there was nothing to see at the top (apparently they were unimpressed with the stunningly beautiful view on the surrounding mountains); the girls were thrilled to see a wedding in progress on the mountaintop and loved admiring the bride's gown and flowers. Men really are from Mars and women from Venus, it seems.

Kate and I managed to sneak in some horseback riding, realizing one of her dreams. We spent an hour riding on the mountain trails with a sweet college girl named Annie. She and Kate chattered away as Mom enjoyed the view from the back of the biggest horse I've ever ridden. Andre is a huge grey who is half draft horse; I loved talking to him softly and watching his ears swivel toward me at the sound of my voice. It was a relaxing hour in spite of the 90 degree heat.

The kids also liked tubing and body surfing at the Cascades Park, a part of the Pemi River that has some fun rapids to ride through. Mom and Dad preferred taking Dad's new kayak out on the lake where we could wave at our cherubs standing on the shore. We couldn't hear them bickering from the middle of the lake...it was a nice change of pace.)

Another positive of the vacation was the significantly reduced screen time, especially videogames. Except for a few pinball games in the Rec Center and some TV, the kids were off the couch without complaint. We did treat them to a movie at the theater in town where they saw "The Last Airbender"...and Dad liked it, too. Mom liked missing it in favor of some time in the whirlpool tub with a good book.

We drove home on Friday afternoon and were greeted by exuberant greyhounds who clearly missed us. We unpacked the vehicles, ordered pizza for dinner, and started some laundry. Madiyar repacked his bag with fresh clothes for his trip to PA and the two boys flew out on Saturday to start the next leg of their summer adventure. We now find ourselves with "only" four kids...and it feels a bit strange.

Now on to our next project...we close on our "new" house (as new as a 100 year old house can be) in a little over a week. Then the real fun begins...painting, repairs, moving. I can hardly wait...until our next vacation anyway!

Where does the time go?

Yikes! It's been almost a month since my last post and so much has happened that I hardly know where to begin. Here are the highlights:

My birthday was awesome because it was spent with 6 people who made it special in every way.

Father's Day was awesome for the same reason...and Dad got a kayak which will be a blast for both Mom and Dad. I'm a crafty gift giver....we're hoping for quality time in the middle of a lake in New Hampshire this summer.

The end of the school year brought moving on ceremonies and awards. Max finished 5th grade with high marks and an award in Physical Education. Kate captured high honors and an English award for the second year in a row. Madiyar also took high honors and Aniyar got an English award. Our Tanya worked hard all year and finished 6th grade with a perfect score on her final English project. She also had a great season in Little League softball and was chosen for the All-Star team. We couldn't be more proud of our kids.

Now for the biggest surprise! We were informed that the house we had hoped to buy previously was again on the market and the bank was willing to consider an offer from us. We made a lower offer than our original one and it was accepted...so in about another month, we will own another house. We've continued to spruce up this house in preparation for putting it back on the market again. We think the new kitchen will make our house more marketable so we're hoping for a good return on our investment.

Max's birthday is the next big event. We'll head to New Hampshire on July 9th, his 13th birthday, for a week of vacation. Another teenager...

When it comes to kids, five is a very big number...but it is also a good one. I'm a lucky woman.

Happy Birthday to me...

In a few hours, I'll be another year older...but will I be wiser than I was today? I don't much love birthdays at this point in my life but wisdom would be useful. I wake up each day hoping for more wisdom...and patience...and a crystal ball to help me negotiate the twists and turns of each day.

This morning, for example, I opened my eyes when my sweet spouse brought me a perfect latte...and the news that our youngest child had been up since 5:30 and was already sulking in his bed after a disagreement with Dad. I groggily checked the clock and determined that we had 30 minutes to set things right before the bus came to transport our boy to school. I stumbled out of bed and found our youngest huddled in his top bunk; he was cross and unrepentant but willing to accept a hug from Mom. He was unable to see how his behavior had been unacceptable...and trust me, it was...but due to a screw up with our mail order pharmacy, we've run out of his most vital medication and the lack of it is beginning to show. Our boy is struggling and the meds are somewhere in the mail...so now we dance, we cajole, we do what we can to keep life on a even keel. We were lucky today...our boy was able to pull himself together and go to school. He also had a good evening and a fun game of pick-up sticks with Mom. He's come so far, my special boy.

A nice birthday present would be the meds we need...but the best present is what I already have...my family, my life, each day's adventure.

A new kitchen and a new teenager...oh my!

Our kitchen renovation is almost complete and it looks incredible! We still need the new flooring and as well as the new energy efficient window we've ordered. We've finally gotten rid of the blue and white tile backsplash that we never liked and will soon have a snazzy copper backsplash. The tired old cabinets have been refaced in natural cherry and more cabinets have been added; we have a new double sink and a gorgeous new Silestone countertop to replace our scarred and cracked formica one. The oven has been moved to the other side of the kitchen which means that I can now actually open the oven door fully for the first time in 11 years. The trash basket now hides discreetly in a base cabinet, much to our trash-stealing greyhound's chagrin. It was worth the couple of weeks of chaos, microwaved meals, and washing dishes in the bathroom sink. The before, during, and after pics say it all:
















































In spite of all this mess, we still managed to celebrate Tanya's 13th birthday in style. Dad grilled steak tips and Mom had to buy a cake (our gas oven is still disconnected) but our newest teenager didn't seem to mind. We've been blessed to celebrate 7 birthdays with this sweet girl since she joined our family...she's come a long way from the shy little girl we met in 2003 to the sassy softball starlet she is today. (OK, so I'm a proud mama...she scored a triple in her last game and is now her team's back-up pitcher.)
















Here she is on her 7th birthday...but can you recognize her now in this photo of her softball team, the Sea Dogs? I'll give you a hint...in the back row, in the center, big grin...and as she would say, peace out.

Adventure pics...as promised

We took our first big driving vacation as a family of seven last month...8 hours in our van to Philadelphia and the kids were great all the way. We spent two days seeing historic sites like the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. We also took a tour by horse and buggy and bought Philly cheese steaks from a street vendor for lunch...the kids now have a new favorite food.


































Next, we headed to Pennsylvania Dutch country. We rented a beautifully renovated Amish farmhouse in Bird-In-Hand, PA, seven bedrooms, 3 baths, and a kitchen to die for. The kids loved the many staircases and "secret" passageways and the big yard.



We enjoyed being surrounded by Amish and Mennonite folk as our neighbors, shopping at farm stands and buying homemade root beer. We took a ride in an Amish buggy and our tour guide told us about the history and culture of Amish and Mennonite people; it was especially interesting since he was Mennonite himself.

We also took some day trips. Dad got to be a train engineer at the Pennsylvania Railroad Museum; the girls and Aniyar and I visited an Amish Village; we went to Gettysburg; Madiyar got to spend the night at his friend Borya's house after we met Borya's mom Anne and her brood for dinner at Miller's Smorgasboard. We spent the last afternoon of our vacation hanging out at Anne and Fred's house which was a huge treat. There were fish to catch, horses to pet, dogs to play with, and kids everywhere so it was a lot of fun.



























It's amazing when I think about our visit with Fred and Anne. Counting our 5 kids and Anne and Fred's 6...well, that's 11 kids...and 7 of them are from Kazakhstan. It was a fun reunion and the perfect way to complete our April vacation adventure. Thanks, guys, for sharing your "Funny Farm" with us!

Newsflash! Risley-Schoelles family survives alien abduction, returns to Earth after month-long absence.

Well, this is as good an excuse as any for my lack of blog posts recently. Stay tuned, dear readers...we've been having adventures of all shapes and sizes and I promise I'll post pics and stories soon. In the meantime, here are a few highlights:

We went on a wonderful vacation in April to Pennsylvania...and I'm thinking about becoming Amish...love the idea of a horse and buggy, wouldn't miss the videogames and TV, like the idea of a much less "wordly" life that includes lots of chores for the youngins. The kids are very afraid...

Mother's Day was fabuloso...I have 5 great kids who made it very special...and a saint of a husband who made sure I got breakfast in bed without injury, fire, or bloodshed among our cherubs.

Oooooh, the house is a mess...at present, I have no sink or working oven and power tools in my kitchen...my dishes and cooking utensils now live in the office or the basement...and I'm fine with it! Since it appears moving is out of the question, we're fixing up what we have here. My new and improved kitchen is in progress...it's going to be much more functional with extra cabinets and countertop...not to mention gorgeous.

We filed our income taxes yesterday...no, we weren't late. Massachusetts residents who were in flood-damaged counties got an extra month to file federal and state returns. Yesterday was the last day...OK, I was a bit slow in getting around to Uncle Sam this year...can you say procrastination? At least it's done and we're getting a refund. All's well that ends well, right?

More soon, I promise!

Adoptive mom sends 7 year old child back to Russia...

The story is all over the news...a few days ago, a single mom from Tennessee put her adopted son on a plane to Moscow. She sent him on his way with this letter:


Not surprisingly, this has caused an international incident that has put future adoptions from Russia (and also Kazakhstan) at risk. As an adoptive mom myself, I'm saddened and appalled on several levels. I'm also quite sure that this adoptive mom was overwhelmed to her breaking point...because like many other adoptive parents, I've stood at the edge of that abyss myself.

Most of you know we've had our ups and downs with our adopted kids, especially our 3 boys who all come a background of trauma and abuse. Out of respect for our kids' privacy, I haven't previously detailed all that has transpired in our home as they adjusted to their new life in America but it's a lot like what this mom experienced. We've been kicked, hit, spit on, sworn at, and threatened by each of our sons at one time or another but our greatest challenge has been our youngest boy. At our lowest point about a year ago, I seriously wondered if I would crack under the strain of parenting a child who was clearly unstable. I cried, couldn't sleep, lost weight, and felt like a failure as a mother. I taught my other kids to lock themselves in their room when his rages started because I feared for their safety...and yes, our boy's rages were often set off by something as simple as the refusal to allow him more video game time or a second helping of ice cream. I'm not proud to admit it, but there were even times I wished for our old life back...and I wanted to just make it all go away. We reached a crisis point and our son had to be hospitalized...and I have to admit that my sadness for him was mixed with relief for the rest of us who were desperately in need of respite.

I wish I could say that I never considered disruption or a long-term residential program for our child...but I did. I felt powerless to keep this child safe from himself and wasn't sure I could keep the rest of us safe from him. When the psychiatrists and case managers asked me what it would take for our boy to return to our home, I chanted my newly coined mantra...safety for all of us, impulse control, regulation of mood. I wondered if the mantra represented an impossible dream. Without a support system in place, I might have given up. Without the training and experience I'd had as an adoptive mom of older kids, I might have given up. Without the help of our therapist, our social worker, our case workers from Adoption Journeys (an awesome organization for adoptive families in crisis), and our network of friends and fellow adoptive parents, I hate to think what I might have done. When I was exhausted and overwhelmed, I drew from the strength of my husband and my kids; without them, I might have made desperate decisions instead of considered ones. I wish the mom in Tennessee had the support system we have here...it might have made all the difference.

For us, the story is still evolving but it has a more promising middle than its rocky beginning implied. Aniyar is home with us and much more stable. His history of abuse, trauma, and prenatal exposure to alcohol will impact him for the rest of his life. We still have our challenges but we're coping much better now. As parents, we're trying to balance his past with a present full of love, patience, and security...and therapy and medication have made it possible for our boy to be safe here at home. Aniyar drew me this picture the other day...I think it sums up just how far we've all come...and how grateful I am to have this special boy (and his incredible siblings!) in my life.