Woohoo! We're on Top Mommy Blogs! Please click on the banner to vote for us...and thanks.

Visit Top Mommy Blogs To Vote For Me!

Saturday, October 15, 2016


I waited until 11pm because that's what I had promised you. I wasn't really surprised when you didn't come home...again. You haven't spent a night at home in a while. It seems that sleeping in your car (or who knows where) is better than being here. Wasn't surprised when you didn't text me your plans. Avoiding communication is par for the course for you lately.

Earlier today, you asked me if we could go back to the way it used to be...and my answer was no. Crystal clear answer to me but it seemed like a surprise to you. Not quite sure why since to be honest, "the way it used to be" has basically sucked for a while now. It broke my heart to tell you no because you're my son and my instinct is to try to keep you safe. You don't know how much I wish I could turn back the hands of time and make this better! Sadly, between your abuse of drugs and alcohol, your anger and emotional abuse, and your refusal to get help, having you here means the rest of the family is at risk. As much as I love you, I can't allow you to stay here until you're ready to get therapy and medication. I hate this...but I will always love you. My son is still in there somewhere. I refuse to give up on you!

I've packed your clothes, stripped your bed, shed more than a few tears as I've reminisced about the years I've been privileged to be your mom. I'm ready to let your 21 year old self go, not because I don't love you but because I do. It's time to fly from the nest...I hope you will find your way in the world safely. Please don't forget where home is...we'll be here if you need us.

With all my love,

Friday, March 11, 2016

Mom's manifesto


Raising kids is never easy. Raising young adults is harder still. All but gone are the cute and cuddly times; hugs and heartfelt talks are in short supply, too frequently replaced by angst and eye rolling. As a mom to 5 teens/young adults, I am often accused of not loving enough, not trusting enough, not caring enough, not understanding enough. Stumbled upon this quote that clarifies my position nicely! The author is unknown...too bad because I'd love to have coffee with her. 

My promise to my children: for as long as I live, I will always be your parent first, and your friend second. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you down like a bloodhound when I have to, because I love you. When you understand that, I will know you have become a responsible adult. You will never find anyone else in your life who loves, prays, cares, and worries about you more than I do. If you don't mutter under your breath ''I hate you'' at least once in your life, I am not doing my job properly.

 Unknown quotes  | added by: Guardian


Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Sometimes, life overtakes us.

     We get caught up in the day to day, moving from one bullet point to the next on an endless To Do list. In the process of trying to be efficient,  it's easy to lose out on many of the joys of life. Then one day, you look up and realize how much time has passed. Forgive me, blogspot, for I have committed the sin of neglect;  it has been months since my last post.
     Why? Where have we been?  Simple...raising 5 teenagers,  running a household, working more hours than we should. In other words, nose to the grindstone,  duty calling, forgetting to put on our own oxygen mask first during times of turbulence. We need to rethink that mentality .
     For me, this blog has always been therapy, a way to help me celebrate, process, and chronicle our journey as a family.  In the last several months, as our teenagers are transitioning to young adulthood,  it felt at times like writing about them would be a violation of their privacy. To be honest, the road to independence is a bumpy one. As our kids strive to define themselves as adults, there are less heartwarming family bonding moments to chronicle and lots more challenging moments we'd rather not record for posterity. Don't get me wrong, we love our kids madly but snarky angst isn't all that therapeutic or fun to share with the world, is it? Not to mention our aforementioned crazy busy life...hence the hiatus from blogging.
   It's time for a change. I'm still Alphamama but my pack of wolf pups have grown into 5 wonderful, maddening, snarky, changeable young adults between 18-20 years old. Two are negotating college/work pursuits. One is poised on the brink, ready to graduate high school and enter college in a few short months. Two still have a couple years of high school left but are testing the waters of first jobs and are thinking of the future.  They're all still under our roof, all with one foot planted in childhood and the other in adulthood. It's a different kind of adventure for all of us.
     Here's my new perspective.  It's time to return to my blogging as therapy, not just as Alphamama to my young pack but as Dee, wife of my DH, and a person who has a name. Let this serve as notice... this blog's not just about you any more, puppies! Let the therapy begin...

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Birthday wishes

I love this kid...just wish I could have spent all of his birthdays with him. Here he is on the first birthday we ever got to celebrate with him back in 2003. What a cutie, right?  Today he's 19 and he still owns my heart!

Happy Bday, son!

Sunday, August 31, 2014

It's my mom's birthday

Nine years ago tonight was the last visit I had with my mom. It wasn't a conventional birthday celebration at all. There was no cake, no presents, no candles to blow out. It was nothing like our usual birthday bashes...but that was because my mom was reaching the end of her life.

Nine years ago tonight, I sat with my mom for the last time. I held her hand. I painted her nails. I talked to her. I told her that I would always love her and miss her...but that if she needed to stop fighting for her life, I could let her go. I told her I would be OK, that she had raised me well and made me strong enough to survive whatever life would throw at me. I told her that I was happy and safe, married with kids of my own. I told her stories, reminded her of family memories, was rewarded with a gentle squeeze of her fingers on my hand that let me know she could hear me even though she was beyond speech. At a little past midnight, I heard her draw her last breath and then go peacefully. I will always believe my father was there to greet her as she passed...just as I believe he was the one who insisted I get out of bed to check on her seconds before her passing. I felt their presence keenly that night...and they still touch my life, even after all these years. My mom in particular is a strong presence every day. I miss her still...always will...but her gifts are with me. They sustain me as I strive to raise my own kids, to be a good mom, a good wife, and a good person.

I made spaghetti sauce today, Mom. I used tomatoes, peppers, and herbs from our garden. I filled the house with the rich scent of summer and love. As I stirred the sauce, I remembered coming home from school to the same aroma in our house when I was a girl. I remembered you listening to me, to the trials and tribulations of my school day. You always managed to make your cooking seem like time set aside just for you and me! To this day, I associate cooking for my family with the deepest kind of love.

I felt you at my shoulder today, teaching me still, lifting me up even after all these years. I'm so grateful for your strength, your love, all that you passed on to me. I'll keep trying my best to do as well by my own kids.

Happy birthday, Mom.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

What we did on our summer vacation...

It occurred to me several months back that we might be getting to the end of our opportunities for a vacation with our whole family. After all, with 5 teenagers who are in college and high school, carving out family time takes a herculean effort and a lot of foot stomping. Our kids have their own schedules now, school commitments and summer jobs, friends that they don't want to leave, social groups and activities, etc. By next year, who knows if we'll be able to pull off a family adventure...but we did manage this year!

For our family trip, we went to Chincoteague Island in Virginia. Why? Because Mom got to pick, that's why. I figured if I was going to drag our whole clan of bored, cranky teens off on a road trip in our van, it might as well be to place I really wanted to go. I've always wanted to see Chincoteague and the wild ponies of Assateague, especially during Pony Penning week. (Ever read the book Misty of Chincoteague as a kid? I did...and I never forgot it. ) The island also offered something for the rest of the crowd, too...beautiful beaches, a lighthouse, awesome nature hikes, kayaking, riding lessons, crabbing and clamming, boat rides, great seafood, and the best ice cream and fudge just down the street. The house we rented had 5 bedrooms, 3 baths, and a big yard for playing soccer and lacrosse. It also came with bikes, a kayak, and a family of ducks that came to visit every day. Even with all that, it still took a few days to pry the kids off of their electronics and get them outside...but after a while, we all managed to embrace island life and have fun. Here's some of what we did in pictures:
I had to buy loaves of bread for the ducks...worth every cent!

Finally got the gamers off screens!
Tanya got Mama and the babies to eat from her hand
Even my oldest boy wasn't too cool for the ducks

Then there was my favorite part of the week...we got to see the Saltwater Cowboys (AKA Chincoteague volunteer firefighters) herd the ponies down Main Street to the fairgrounds for the annual auction of foals and yearlings which takes place only at the end of July each summer. Wild ponies of Assateague Island swim the channel and then parade down Main Street on Chincoteague? I've only wanted to see this since I was about 8 years old and I was close enough to reach out and touch them. Pretty darn awesome!

The girls got to take riding lessons at the Pony Center on ponies that were once on Assateague...very cool!

Tanya on Teaguer

Kate on Misty's Morning Glory

The boys went crabbing and clamming just down the street from our house; some of the locals taught them what to do and they came home with their catch to add to dinner!

Dad and I went hiking on Assateague, we toured the lighthouse with our girls, and we all went to the beach. I did a solo walk on a marshland trail very early one morning, so beautiful and peaceful! Also caught sight of a bunny hiding in the grass...can you find him?

Loved the week we spent here...and now Craig and I are looking at properties on Zillow and wondering if this might be a good place to retire some day. Hmmm...

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

July already?

How did that happen?? June flew by and I barely had time to breathe with all the big events for our kids! We celebrated a high school graduation (our oldest son,)

 a middle school graduation (our youngest son),

a birthday (mine),

and moving on ceremonies for our two kids who will be going into 10th and 11th grade.

We also celebrated Father's Day in honor of a great Dad!
Suffice it to say that June 2014 brought us a lot of joy and pride interspersed with the challenges of living with 5 teens and the positive energy was stored up to sustain us through the tougher times...drama, angst, and instability reign more often than we'd like in these parts. Wish I could say it was all rainbows and sunny days around here but I'd be lying...some days, I'm sorely tempted to make good on my threat to run away and join the circus. At times like those, my dear husband reminds me that it would be wrong to leave the children without either parent. You see, he's of the opinion that if I leave/die/lose my mind completely and he becomes a single parent, he will either be driven to throw himself off the roof or will be sent to the big house for murder of a teenager or two. Isn't it sweet that we have each other's back in this adventure we call parenting?

Seriously, so lucky to have this man in my life...he's my rock and the only reason I haven't been carted off to the loony bin yet! He's the best of men...his mom did a great job with him and I would like to publicly thank her here and now for raising him to be such a fine person. I'll feel blessed if my boys turn out as well and my girls marry someone just like their Dad.