Christmas Doesn't Get Better Than This!

Doesn't Santa do nice work?

And the stockings were hung by our first real chimney!

 Anyone with teenagers can tell you that holidays may have lost some of the magic that accompanied them when the cherubs were little. The threat of Santa checking his list to determine the naughty from the nice kids isn't the motivator it once was. Pretty lights and the first snowfall aren't nearly as interesting as counting the presents under the tree and fretting over present equity. There also wasn't a single one of my five that I could convince to sit on Santa's lap for a picture this year. Therefore, when Craig and I decided our family would join our friends at a candlelight church service on Christmas Eve, you might have thought we suggested a family root canal. We soldiered on in spite of the groaning, hoping that some singing and hearing the Christmas story might be just what we all needed. As it turned out, we had a lovely time and our teens were very well behaved. My girls enjoyed being with friends and acting very grown up. I know my boys especially liked being able to hold a lit candle while we sang near the end of the service. They would have been even happier if Mom hadn't been keeping a watchful eye on their attempts to:
a) stick their fingers in the candle flame
b) drip hot wax on the sibling standing closest to them
c) slip away from the Mom in order to find a quiet spot for fire-eating practice



We returned home unscathed and in a merry mood. It wasn't long before we had a celebration going with tasty snacks and beverages, music, and much laughter. The happy mood continued through Christmas day, one of the best in my memory.

The kids are allowed to open one gift each on Christmas Eve and (as usual) they were very excited. I'm not sure why they continue to be excited about this tradition each year because (as usual), they received pajamas.

Aniyar likes his new pj's...go figure.

 The best part of this year's PJ gift was what our son Madiyar got. You see, our Madiyar hates PJ's. He likes sleeping in his boxers even in the dead of winter...which is fine until he shows up at the breakfast table in them. So what did Madiyar get for jammies? Why, green and red velvet elf shorts with a matching elf hat. We all got a good laugh out of the gift...and Madiyar was a great sport about the teasing, even modeled the outfit for us!

Elf Madiyar

Christmas morning started about 7:30 when Craig and I got up to make coffee and put the turkey in the oven. Much to our surprise, we woke up before the kids...although it wasn't long until they started appearing in the kitchen one by one. We sent them back to their rooms for a bit while we turned on the tree lights, readied the camera, and took a sip of our eggnog lattes. (What can I say, I married a darn good barista!) Once we turned the kids loose in the living room, it was pretty much pandemonium. The first order of business was to check out what Santa brought and empty stockings of all sorts of candy and trinkets. In the excitement, the kids almost missed the gift Santa left for the whole family, a new flat screen TV!

Kate discovers the new TV first!

Next it was on to finding the pickle ornament on our tree which would entitle the winner to open the first wrapped gift. Kate took the honors this year...but the others weren't far behind. In a veritable blizzard of wrapping paper and ribbon, Christmas secrets were revealed and hugs and thanks were given. The frenzy subsided and was replaced with a contented enjoyment of the new games, movies, and other gifts. Dad made his recipe for Cranberry-Orange Relish with Tanya's help . Once the turkey was roasted, I set about making a vat of homemade gravy from the pan drippings and stock, a process that makes me nostalgic every year. It reminds me of Christmases past when I was just a girl. I can see my mom's capable hands stirring the gravy patiently as she showed me just how to thicken and season the gravy to perfection. My mom is gone now but her presence is still strong in my kitchen; I close my eyes and hear her voice. As I stir, I feel her love...and I like sharing her recipes with my own kids.



Our friends joined us for dinner so there were 10 of us feasting on roast turkey with all the trimmings, a rib roast, potatoes, and veggie and fruit side dishes. No one went hungry...in fact, we had to postpone dessert for a couple of hours until we could find room for it!

Christmas dinner 2010

Our first Christmas in our new home...and it was perfect. Our material gifts are great...but our best gifts are so much more than things. We shared this holiday with our closest friends who also are now our next door neighbors. We are surrounded by other neighbors who have known and loved our kids as long as we have. We are just where we were meant to be, with just the kids we were meant to have, in just the house we were meant to raise them in. I can't think of a better Christmas present than that!

The Goose is Getting Fat

Christmas tree 2010

Yes, it's almost Christmas and while we will most likely not celebrate with a roast goose, we are observing other time-honored traditions of the season. This is what's happening in our happy holiday home:

Christmas Tree Shopping

I remember Christmases past when the kids would eagerly count down the days until this event and would brave any amount of cold stoically in search of the perfect tree. However, we now have 4 teenagers in the house so family traditions have become significantly less cool. This year, I had to forcibly pry video game controllers out the hands of our boys and threaten one of our girls with the loss of her cell phone to get our happy little band in the car. (I growled through gritted teeth, "We are a family and we're picking a tree together. We will be pleasant and we will have fun...or else." and I intoned my oft-repeated mantra, "Videogames aren't as important as family." Being smart kids, they decided Mom wasn't to be denied on this one.) Once we got to the lot, the boys amused themselves playing tag between the trees to Mom's rendition of  "If you damage anything, it'll come out of your allowance!!" The sulky girl stomped around texting her friends with an in-depth description of how bored she was and how lame Christmas tree shopping was. We had one child who was in the holiday spirit and she flitted from tree to tree like a manic elf, offering a critique of each specimen Dad held up. We finally settled on a 7 ft. Douglas fir, got it paid for and loaded in the truck and back to the house in about 30 minutes flat. Fifteen seconds later, our darling children had returned to their mind-rotting pursuits. I checked Buy Christmas tree off my list of holiday family bonding activities and vowed to do better at lightening up for the rest of the holiday season.

Decorating

While the cherubs were at school, I unpacked our house decorations and decked our halls with garlands and wreaths and nutcrackers. I even hummed Christmas carols and sipped holiday tea. Our greyhounds were good company as they followed me from room to room; they didn't bicker or proclaim boredom even once. When the kids got home, they took note of the decorations with comments ranging from "Oooh, pretty!" (the girls) to "Nice..." (the boys). I had saved setting up the nativity for Kate, one of her favorite holiday chores...it's the same nativity I used to arrange each Christmas when I was a girl. Pass down holiday traditions--check...and I didn't have to threaten anyone.

Lighting the Tree

When I was a kid, putting the lights on the tree was my Dad's job...and my mother's job was to critique his efforts. Risley women are notoriously opinionated re: the quantity and positioning of lights on the tree so poor Dad never stood a chance. He would mutter under his breath while repositioning and adding string after string of lights until my mom finally declared the tree properly illuminated. Craig and I figured out early on that we could live without that particular holiday ritual...and I'm the one who puts the lights on the tree in our house which keeps us both happy. This year, Kate and Aniyar wanted to help...and Kate told Aniyar that he couldn't put lights on the tree because he wasn't a Risley woman...poor Aniyar was so sad that I told him he could certainly join the Risley women in the tree lighting tradition. He was thrilled to be included in the club. (Aniyar to his big sister: "See, Kate? Mama say I can be Risley woman, too!" Big sis to Aniyar: "OK, buddy, you're a Risley tree lighter, but we can't do much about the woman thing.") Make our own family memories--check.

Trimming the Tree

For the first year ever, I was able to sit back and let the kids unpack and hang our ornaments. (Yes, I do have some control issues but I'm working on it!) Anyway, Aniyar and Kate did most of the work this time. They were so careful to place each ornament on just the right branch. The other 3 kids wandered in and out of the room, pausing long enough to hang their own special ornaments and then returning to other pursuits...and that was OK, too. It was a lovely, stress free evening that resulted in the above pictured beautifully decorated tree...go figure. Share quality time with family---check.

Shopping

Thank heavens for the internet! Most of Mom and Dad's shopping has been done on line. I did brave the malls to help the kids find gifts for each other but it was actually fun. We did lunch, admired the decorations, and shopped in The Dollar Tree and Five Below where they could get more for their money. I was impressed with how much thought each of them put into what they bought their siblings and how excited they were with their purchases. Experience the joys of giving (not just receiving) at Christmas--check.

Holiday Baking

We've made French Puffs, Eggnog Coffeecake, and Maple Muffins for teacher's gifts and homemade hot chocolate spoons as gifts for friends. Our house has been filled with delicious aromas resulting from extensive recipe testing. Our kids have liked helping with baking, sampling, and wrapping the presents we made ourselves. Demonstrate the pleasures of gifts of the heart, made by hand--check.

You know, we're really getting into the holiday spirit this year. Even the teenagers have ditched their bored affect and are having fun. We're better organized this year, too.  I've already sent off gifts to relatives in far off places. I might even get around to Christmas cards before New Year's!

But just in case I don't get those cards done... consider yourself extended

Season's Greetings from our family to yours!

Tanya's first concert playing the violin

Kate playing Christmas carols for us at home

Our Christmas gifts

Witches, turkeys, and transition

Since my last post, we've celebrated two holidays and moved mountains...or at least mountains of furniture, boxes, and all the stuff you can think of that a family of seven could possibly accumulate under one roof. It's been an exhausting and challenging month but we all survived. Here's an update on our family adventures.

Due to renovation delays, we didn't get moved in time for Halloween but we celebrated in our new house anyway. Craig and I moved our big TV and some living room furniture and the kids and I decorated our mostly vacant new house so that it looked truly spooky. Craig and I greeted trick or treaters in our new location while our 5 kids went door to door with friends. When the kids were done hauling in their candy, we ate Chinese takeout and watched a Halloween movie together. It was a nice evening, the calm before the storm of moving in earnest the following week.

Our lovely new living room

Craig took the week after Halloween off and we worked like dogs to pack up and move everything. Several of our good friends pitched in to help with both moving things from the old house and helping us set up furniture in the new place. Their assistance was invaluable...moving 7 people and 12 years worth of accumulated possessions turned out to be a daunting task!  We called in a local mover to truck our piano and the biggest pieces of our furniture to the new house; I also asked them to pack up and move most of the things in the basement, a worthwhile investment since Craig had to return to work and I was on my own at that point. It took the movers 2 days to get it all done but it went well...until we found out that our queen adjustable bed wouldn't fit up the narrow stairs to our new bedroom. The only way to get our bed (and its electronic innards) upstairs would be to take out a window on the second floor and hoist it through the opening...so that's just what we did. Craig and I have been sleeping on a mattress on the floor until today when the movers returned with a crane which lifted our very heavy bed to the window. It took 2 crane operators and 3 moving guys to maneuver the bed up and through the window safely. It was quite a show!



























Thanksgiving was lovely, actually pretty relaxing in spite of the piles of boxes that still need to be unpacked and the renovation projects we're still working on. We watched the Macy's parade as we munched on homemade cinnamon rolls and pumpkin donuts. I roasted our turkey in my new convection oven and was shocked at how fast it cooked...love the new kitchen and had a lot of fun puttering in it at a leisurely pace all day. The kids loved the results; I made borscht and plov, two favorite comfort foods for my kids from Kazakhstan, which provided a nice lunch while the main meal (turkey and all the trimmings) was cooking. As we sat down to eat, we asked each of the kids to tell what they were thankful for. The answers ranged from silly to serious and we had fun sharing; when it came to my turn, I said that I was most thankful for our family and our new home...especially in light of the fact that two years ago this Thanksgiving, we were feverishly compiling a new dossier in 2 weeks time as a part of our fight to adopt Aniyar and Madiyar, unsure of our chances for success. Now here we all are, having weathered the many bumps and bruises of our adoption process and our transition as a family, not to mention the drama related to getting this house. We really do
have so much to be thankful for!

Thanksgiving 2010--and our dreams that came true

Living with Fetal Alcohol Effect (FAE)

I have 5 great kids...they are kind and loving (at least most of the time) and they make me laugh. I'm lucky to have them and I cherish them more than they would ever believe...but some of them have some hefty challenges. Unfortunately, four of the five are not my biological children (I'm honored to parent them in any case!) Fate hasn't treated them equally; all 4 of my adopted kids have post-traumatic stress disorder from early abuse and neglect and two of my kids suffer from the effects of their birthmothers drinking during pregnancy. The impact on these kids is nothing short of astounding...and I wish with all my heart that I could wave my magic wand to make these problems disappear...but it's not that simple.

Here's what I mean...I have a beautiful 13 year old girl who is painfully aware that she is 2 years behind her grade level in school. She is sweet and she works very hard...but she knows that her memory is weak and it takes her a long time to learn certain concepts. She's embarrassed by her learning deficits which are totally not of her own doing.  Ironically, she's the lucky one of my two kids who were exposed to alcohol prenatally. She has mild FAE but she is filling many of her developmental gaps with support at school and at home. Socially , she can be impulsive and is easily influenced by her peers so we keep a watchful eye, trying to balance her need for independence with our concerns for her safety. We believe that she'll complete her high school education and college through sheer grit and determination, growing up to be a functional young woman of uncommon beauty and kindness...she has to weather the storm of adolescence first but she's a gutsy girl who never gives up.

I also have an almost 13 year old who can't read or write beyond his name. Due to the cognitive damage caused by his more severe FAE, he functions much closer to an 8 or 9 year old than his chronological age...he is affectionate, happy, and helpful and doesn't demonstrate much of an awareness of his learning deficits. He is also physically small and appears much younger than his age, a blessing since it helps him to fit in better with his 4th and 5th grade classmates. With special education support, he is progressing at school even if it is a laborious process for him. His rages of a year and half ago are gone now, except for the occasional temper tantrum which blows over quickly. He still likes to cuddle with Mom, something most boys his age would avoid at all costs...but he never had a mom to cuddle with before so we'll make up for lost time with plenty of hugs as long as he likes. It's unclear at this point how he will meet the state standards to graduate from high school; right now, I'm hoping for basic literacy skills. We watch our boy closely since he is still very impulsive and not safety conscious; he also still can't remember our last name, our phone number, or our address...I have the info written in his backpack and in several other places as a safety measure...so his independence is limited to occasional excursions to movies or the videogame store with his "older" siblings (two of them are chronologically only 6 months older than he is) who are armed with cell phones if Mom or Dad are needed. We suspect that the future may hold some form of supported employment and living arrangement for our son; only time will tell how much can be done to offset the damage done by his FAE and early trauma.

If I could have just one wish, I would turn back the clock and erase the alcohol exposure from my kids' lives...

Rubber Ducky Regatta

Lest you think we don't have a life other than The House renovation project, I thought I'd better post a few pics from some of our recent family outings.

We spent Labor Day weekend in NH where we attended this cool charity event at Cascades Park in North Woodstock. We sponsored rubber duckies in a race over the river rapids in support of childhood leukemia research; almost 2,000 ducks were released into the Pemi river. We cheered on our entrants and watched the kids jump in the water to help the ducks along when they went astray. It was a lot of fun even though our ducks didn't win any prizes.

My girls loved this giant ducky

My boys liked fooling around.

Waiting for the ducks

And they're off!

Can you find Kate and Tanya sitting on the riverbank?

Almost 3 months after closing...

...we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We have torn down walls and ceilings as needed, framed new walls and sheetrocked, and now we're on to finishing work. John, the plasterer, is a genius at his craft; it almost makes me cry to watch him create perfect new walls and ceilings. We have new doors, new locks, new lights, even new doorbells. Our electricians (Dave and Jamie) are practically members of the family...they've worked to remove the old knob and tube wiring in the house, then replaced all the wiring...and they've been at it for about 6 weeks now. Our plumber Charlie has installed a new hot water system and will be connecting our new gas stove as well as our new steam dryer and washer. Today, our kitchen guy (Les) started work; he tore out the old tile countertop and backsplash and began the prep for refacing the cabinets. He'll work through the weekend so we'll be ready for our new Silestone countertop to be templated on Tuesday. The Silestone has been ordered, our new sink is set for delivery tomorrow, and the faucet and disposal are already here. Our hardwood floors will be refinished sometime next week and the carpet for the stairs (so we don't kill ourselves on them!) will be installed next Friday. After a long wait, things are moving quickly.

The living room wallpaper and trim is done!

Welcome to our new house...demolition derby style

Our work continues...and I promised you pics so here they are. My men have been destroying walls and tearing down ceilings, don't they look like they've been having fun? The first shot is of Max working hard to tear out a wall in Mom and Dad's new bedroom. The next shot is of Dad and Madiyar after tearing down the kitchen ceiling. Plaster and lathe is an ugly thing to deal with...