Our boy is still hospitalized and that's still best for everyone. He continues to be all over the map with his moods, sometimes angry and aggressive, other times weepy and depressed, and once in a while even calm and (seemingly) relaxed. He's had a tough time regulating himself even in the unit; he told staff members last week that the other patients are so annoying to him that he wants to stab them. He says he doesn't feel in control of his emotions...he says he would choose to be happy if he could...but he can't.
I'm still fighting with the insurance company to cover his inpatient stay. They did finally approve a transfer to a CBAT unit but unfortunately, there weren't any beds available last week. We have hopes for an opening tomorrow or Tuesday. In the meantime, the insurance doesn't want to pay for him to stay in his current inpatient placement because of the cost. The hospital has agreed to accept the lower CBAT rate until a bed opens up somewhere. We're still waiting to hear if the insurance will accept that offer...again, seems like a no brainer but what do I know? Tomorrow is Monday and I'll start the battle again in my new role as mental health advocate. It seems to be all that I can do for our son right now.
Our boy is a broken child. It's true that we didn't do the breaking but that doesn't lessen his pain or ours. My mother's heart bleeds for him even though he's not mine by birth. For the past 6 years, he has been my boy; I've loved him and cared for him...but it hasn't been enough. I wonder if what I have to offer my boy will ever be enough to fill the emptiness inside him. I read somewhere once that loving a child of trauma is like trying to fill a bathtub that has no stopper...everything you give runs out as quickly as you pour it in. Does anyone know where we can get an emotional drain plug?