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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

My hurt child

Taken in Kazakhstan, 2005
Camping on Children's Island, 2007
He loves to eat and is learning to cook, 2011
This is my first boy, adopted from Kazakhstan in 2005. He was 8 years old, so skinny that his pants fell down every time he ran, so damaged and scared that he raged off and on for the first 2 years he was with us. He's also one of the smartest kids I've ever met...but he suffers from anxiety disorder, PTSD, and a boatload of other issues that stem from his early history of abuse, trauma and abandonment. He's is almost 14 now and has come a long way with medication and therapy...but his scars are deep and angry and the firestorm of adolescence has further unsettled my boy. He's a very funny kid when he's not ticked off at the world...but he's ticked off more often than not. He tends to isolate himself when he's not comfortable...which means he misses a lot of fun times. He struggles with attentional issues, hates any kind of change, and isn't a sunny personality. When we recently had house guests, my boy did his level best to be invisible, avoiding all family activities unless I pushed him. He said he was tired...or bored...or just not feeling well...or not interested in meeting new people. He never once admitted that he was terrified, that he was jealous, that he was sure his world was turning upside down, that we would undoubtedly like these new kids who showed up better than we liked him...because that happened to him in his past life, so why not again?

Trauma sucks...and it leaves an ugly scar.

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