An all points bulletin has been issued across the New England and Mid-Atlantic states
by family members who seek the return of this runaway man-child.
Known to be armed and dangerous with a soccer ball...has a mean rainbow kick
Sometimes uses the alias "Mad Dog"...AKA "Pouty Prince" when he's in a mood. At almost 16, he's been known to have an attitude on occasion; there are also rumors that he can occasionally push his parents' buttons. Has also been known to lead family members around on a leash.
In spite of all that, he is missed. If found, please send him home...